Jocelyn Rivas
I relied heavily on your review when editing my memoir. It was helpful to read the constructive criticism you provided because it gave me a place to start. I now knew what had to be changed. You mentioned that the end was more interesting where I talked about how crazy my home was now, thats why I added the example of my sister putting my brothers car in the microwave. I tried to expand on the end even more by adding how the family dynamic had changed, this is why I felt it was necessary to include the sense of responsibility I felt. I mentioned the “spills” and “writing on the walls” just to give an idea of what I end up cleaning.
My partner’s peer review mostly said good things about my essay so I honestly didn’t make any changes based on what was suggested on that comment. I was told that going into more detail about how I felt in the moment would help. I decided not to go further into my excitement because I thought that by describing my appearance I did just that. She also told me to talk more about the flowers which I felt was unnecessary because it isn’t the focal point of the memoir. Her peer review was helpful in letting me know what I wrote that was effective and appealing.
In “The Maker’s Eye,” Donald Murray claims that a rough draft allows us to “ begin writing.” (paragraph 1) This is true, a rough draft is only a blueprint and it will simply guide us. My rough draft allowed me to add details to what was already there and to bring up new ideas as well. Murray also states that many times people write something down yet when they look at it a second time and try to expand on an idea, they don’t “understand how to go about it.” (paragraph 8) I found myself struggling to develop the end into something more than just my sister’s birth by focusing on the shift in family dynamic. I didn’t know how to expand on a topic while keeping the reader’s attention and constantly asked myself if readers would find it to be getting boring.